EP 06 // #Ask Akua // Self-Worth + Self-Love

NOTE: Please excuse any errors in this transcript; it was created using an AI tool. Akua Nyame-Mensah 0:00 Hello, and welcome to the open door conversations Podcast. Today I'm bringing you a hashtag ask Akua episode, if you would like to have your question answered on my next hashtag, ask the CO episode, please feel free to get in touch, I will leave a link to the form or you can just get in touch with me on social media. As always, I will attempt to approach my questions using my coaching framework. But please keep in mind, I will be making assumptions and providing more advice than actually coaching. So usually my coaching conversations and relationships are not driven by my perspective or my interest, but my clients agenda. Before we get into the questions, I want to invite you to my next free event because I feel like the two questions I'm going to be tackling are related to self trust, self worth, self love, and ultimately self advocacy. I will be hosting my first ever open hashtag, I'm remarkable workshop. And if you've had the opportunity to be a part of the hashtag, I am remarkable initiative or attend any of my hashtag I remarkable workshops. You know how powerful this content is. All right. And so before I get into the questions, I also do want to share what others have said about attending my workshop, right. And because it is focused on self promotion, self trust and self advocacy, I'm going to do some seamless self promotion. Alright, this is just a warning. And this is actually one of the things that I do. Alright, because some of the questions coming up really do have to do with this. So this is one of the things that I do to continue to stay grateful. And to continue to remind myself of the impact that I'm having, even though I am building a business, even though it's not always easy. So here is what some people have said about my session. All right, the part of the session where we talked about our achievements, was liberating. This session made me rediscover myself, it felt good to know that I was not alone. And that there were practical ways to go about changing my mindset around self promotion, and total honesty. Akua made it worthwhile. Right, from the moment it started, until we were done. And here's the last one. And this makes me so happy. Whenever I read this, it was very engaging. And I wish there was more time. So if you're interested in being in a safe space, so that you can feel more grateful. So you can really build yourself trust, build some self worth, practice some self love, and learn a little bit more about self advocacy, I will leave a link all right in the shownotes for you to register so that you can join. All right, let's get into the questions. And hopefully you'll see how what I've shared. And this upcoming free workshop that I have how it relates. This first question is actually from one of my favourites, coaching buddies, friends, she has always been so generous, actually, with her time and energy to me. And I've actually learned a lot about self promotion from her actually. And I actually think her question is very closely related to this as well. So her question rates, I'm interested to get your perspective on enoughness as a business owner, how do you know when to turn off for the day? How do you measure success in your business? And then I always ask an additional component of why is this question important? And so she answered, I'm generally curious about this question. I know everyone defines success differently. And recently I've been intentionally prioritise prioritising, sorry, my life over my work, and it feels good. Oh my gosh, I love when people start to realise how important it is for you to feel good in order to be able to show up in your work and in your business. I have netted way less money in q2 to that I did in q1. So part of me wonders if I'm self sabotaging, or just listening to my gut about how a sustainable business looks for me. Oh, and I also love this idea of really embodying success. And recognising that your body can actually give you cues to whether or not you're showing up in a way that's authentic. And whether or not you're showing up in a way that's sustainable, right. I talk a lot about burnout. So it's really important that you can take those cues from your body and really get out of your head to recognise or realise whether or not you're showing up in a way that's going to allow you to build something sustainable. All right. And then the last bit is I'd love to hear your thoughts about all of this. I love this question, and I'm looking forward to sharing my perspective. So straight off the bat, how you define success, right? And if you've listened to any of my content, you've probably heard me talk about how everyone defines success differently. I will make sure I share in the show notes sort of how I set up my year, the process in which I use. And I think the key thing here to really recognise is that you have to know for yourself, whether or not you're someone who needs specific and detailed thoughts around what success looks like what your vision is, and what your goals are. Not every one does. I'm one of those individuals that does really well with specifics. And I love to talk about how I'm going to feel what it's going to look like, who I'm going to see, even get as detailed sometimes around what it's potentially going to taste like. Alright, so I'm one of those individuals where the specifics really work. For others, that perspective of what success looks like, doesn't need to be very specific. If anything, all they need is a general idea, they need to unlearn to actually let go, and then whatever they get that they're surprised, and if anything, it exceeds whatever initial expectations that they had. So the first thing really to think about as a business owner in terms of thinking about enoughness, in terms of thinking about how do you measure success is really to recognise whether or not you need to approach it in a specific way, or a little bit more nonspecific general approach, and that you'd like to be surprised and that what you get in return is actually a lot more and feels a lot better than what you could have ever imagined. So that for me, I think, is really that first step, deciding for yourself how you want to manage and measure success in your business. And I work for myself, right? If anything, a lot of people would probably say that my business is primarily or can look like really a lifestyle business, I do have a business plan, I have a business model, I do have an approach that's somewhat structured. And that works really well for how I show up and what really resonates for me, that might not resonate with you, and that's fine. And then when I work with my clients, and this is why I really love doing that one on one work, I love supporting them, for them to figure out what works best for them. So I don't like to impose anything. Just the other day, actually, I was talking to somebody and you know, they really honed in on the productivity part. So on some social media platforms more specifically on LinkedIn. And on some places where I do some networking, I do mention that I do productivity. And people typically will sort of narrow in on that and be like, oh, so do you provide templates? And do you show people what to do? Once again, if you've ever worked with me, if you've ever attended any of my workshops, really around time management, energy management, you know, I am not a fan of actually giving people templates and giving people what I do specifically because I think it's more important that people find what really works for them. So once again, I'll be sharing from my perspective, what works for me, but I know I have clients were trying to come up with anything specific or detailed, or even super long term really makes them anxious. And that's not because they can't do it. Of course, they can do it. But it actually might not work well for them, it might not actually resonate for them and actually lead to the results that they're looking for. So being a little bit more nonspecific and open ended for them works really well. So in terms of thinking about how I measure success in my business, every single year, I do something that I call vision day. Once again, I'll put some links in the show notes to just tell you a little bit more about what that looks like. And so for 2021, I came up with three ways in which I wanted to show up. So yes, I may pick some numbers around how much I want to make, how much I want to work. But the key thing here in terms of how I define success, because I'm someone who likes specific and sort of detailed approaches, is I want to focus on how do I show up? How do I want to feel what types of routines and habits do I want to build. So what I actually tend to do is describe how I'm going to show up throughout the year. And so I have three ways in which I'm going to be showing out throughout the year. And this is how I've tried to show up throughout the year. And so what I actually do, you can't see it, but I have a little post it and I have it right beside me to remind me how I want to show up and what I'm prioritising in terms of how I'm spending my time. Okay. And so I have three things that I'm really focused on this year. The first is having a structured and numbered based approach to outreach and marketing. And I have after coming up with this overarching behaviour or routine or the way in which I want to show up, I actually have specific things underneath that, and how I'm actually doing this. So just really specifically underneath this one, this means that I decided I wanted a new CRM approach, right. So that's how specific I get because that's something that really works well for me, in terms of the second one consistent follow up and showing up. So really trying to define consistency for me. And then a key part of this second sort of way of showing up has been leveraging service providers to support me right so I have someone who's supporting me with this podcast that makes it sound amazing, and she's amazing. I have someone that supports me also with my content, you know, making sure I've got calls to actions, making sure that it really is tailored for the types of people I'm looking to attract. And that allows me to show up in a way that I feel really good about. And that is consistent for how I define consistency, right? No one can tell you what that looks like. And the last one here is a little bit more focused on potentially you can save my personal life. But this is also how I approach my professional work as well, because my conversate, you know, my work is having conversations and building relationships at the end of the day. And so it's really important that I'm working with people that think they can get value from me. And I also feel like I can learn something from them and, and also give value in return. So this last one here is focused on making time for myself and those who matter. And once again, I have gone through and sort of outlined and brainstormed what this looks like for me and the specific tasks that can be done within a certain time period to be able to achieve this or get as close to this as possible. So that's one way in which I define success. And then of course, I do have some numbers associated with that, that's not something I'm going to share on here. If you want to have a better understanding of what that looks like. People who work with me one on one, I give them full access if they're open. And they want to learn more about sort of how I build my business and how I've done that, and what that could potentially look like. But that's not something necessarily I want to share on here, in terms of thinking about how to, you know, to turn off for the day, once again, I'm someone who works really well within structure. And so every single day, I actually will select one intention. Here's the thing, like I have all these different, like, approaches and structures, you know, maybe you know, if you guys are interested in you can let me know, I can actually do one whole podcast where I just talk about all my different approaches that I take to feeling good and structuring my time and being able to focus. Once again, like I said before, I'm gonna sound like a broken record, this works for me doesn't actually work for everyone. But every single day, I will choose one intention, one thing I want to make sure that I get done. And the key here is I'm choosing something that can be done within an hour. So it really is a task. It is not a project. It isn't a lofty goal or vision, it is a tasks that can be completed that is related to one of the three things that I shared previously around what is my theme? What is What are the behaviours I want to really exhibit for this year. So for example, my task for today is outline a branding presentation that I need to get done, because I have a branding presentation that I'm doing this week. And for me, this has to do with outreach, marketing and business development. So it's an opportunity for me to show my abilities to a new, and you know, sort of a new customer, new audience, I guess you can say, and I'm really excited about it. And because it sort of fits within, you know, these three things I'm really focused on this year, I'm really excited about putting the content together and being very intentional about it. And that's the key thing I want to get done today. So I know I'm done for the day, when I've done that one key intentional task for the day. Of course, there's a lot of other things that I do. And I do sort of have a daily schedule each day of the week actually looks very different. So another thing that's really important, even though I do like specific plans, detailed plans, another thing that's really important for me is to have a varied routine. So to the outside world, it might look like that I'm really structured, but I will tell you every single day of the week looks very different. And I also put in a lot of time for rest, taking naps if I need to. And if I don't feel good. So there's a lot of thought that I've put into how my day really looks. But I know when to turn off for the day when I've done that one intention. And there's also a certain feeling that I get as well. So once again, really being tuned into my body and feeling satisfied. So I know I'm done for the day when I'm like that was good. This feels good. And so there are some days when I'm done at for there's some days actually when I'm even done at like 10am There's other days where I might take to take a break, I might eat and then I might feel and I don't think inspired is the right word. There's another word for it. But like I might feel potentially motivated or excited. I think for me, it's a lot more of this excitement to start on something else and that might take me into working into the evening. So every single day, it looks a little bit different, but there's definitely this feeling of That's enough. I'm good. I'm ready for bed and really just recognising that if I haven't finished something that I can continue to do it tomorrow into the month into the year right so just really recognising that I can stop When I'm ready, but a huge part of knowing that I can stop when I'm ready is making sure that I'm always checking in, and I'm recognising the small wins that I'm getting. And so in addition to setting an intention every single day, I also make sure I check in and practice gratitude, and share at least three wins with myself. So those are things that I write down. And that's why for me, in order to feel that enoughness, it's super important for me to make sure that I am self promoting, even to myself, right. And that's why I think this upcoming workshop that I have can be a really great way for those of you who are listening to really think about how do I make sure that I'm checking in with myself that I'm recognising the work that I'm doing, that I feel good about the work that I'm doing, and the only way you can really do that is making sure that you're reflecting. And then if you need to communicate that externally view, you can do that I do a lot of internal communication to myself about the wins that I'm you know, I'm the wins that I have the little bit of progress I'm making and the things that I'm also grateful for. All right. So I hope I've answered that question. If anyone has any thoughts or wants to share their perspective on enoughness, as a business owner, I would love to hear it, feel free to leave a comment below, get in touch via social media, but just really recognising that you have to define this for yourself. And you also need to check in with yourself and create that time to check in with yourself. On what you know, success looks like how am I going to define success based on where I am, right? So my definition of success prior to starting my own business looked very different. And that's okay, so really recognising that all of these things are going to evolve. And I would actually say that last piece. And it's funny because I actually have a a speech, a workshop I do around this is also practising self compassion. And for me, I think that that, that self promotion, practising that self love really trying to zoom in on that self worth. Also comes with practising compassion as well. So really just recognising that everything can't be done in one day, you do need a lot of times support, whether that's internal support, or, you know, external support to really get you through things. And you need to Yeah, recognise that everything can't be done within a day I sound like I'm, I'm repeating myself here. But that's that's just really what I believe, and really what I wanted to share around this particular question. So thank you so much for this question. And I hope some of the things I've shared will be really helpful for all of you listening. So let's get to the second question. The second one comes from a founder, he shared this question on LinkedIn. And I felt like so many founders, CEOs and business owners would really resonate. So this is what he wrote. So naturally, I set high standards for myself. So all of you highly ambitious individuals on this, on this call, because I do calls all day listening to this podcast. If you can relate, please hit like, hit follow, hit subscribe, let me know. But this is something I can relate with. So much. Alright, just to start all over again, because I got super excited. So naturally, I set high standards for myself, we were added averaging a certain amount of monthly revenue and this country prior to March may 2021, locked down. Once again, I'm sure many of you listening to this can resonate. We lost 90% of our business when the lockdown happen. This country is recently reopening. And we've started to see an uptick in the number of trips, although they weren't there previously. I feel sometimes I'm too hard on myself. And I would like to change that being too hard on ourselves doesn't make us happy. So what I really love about this particular question, or this sort of comment that was sent to me is that he's also sort of reflecting and recognising that he's not happy with where he is. And he recognises that being too hard on himself doesn't make him happy. It doesn't make anyone happy. But it does serve a really important purpose. Right. So really recognising that if we feel there's some sort of unease and some of us might interpret that as anger, shame and embarrassment, I think there's so many ways we can potentially define this is really going to look different person to person. But once you have that emotional intelligence, right, that you can really label it that you can work through it. Right, that next step is what do I want to do about it? So I'll make sure that I leave a link in the show notes to a really great guide that I put together with the content support that I get, I get around how to deal with your emotions in different ways that you can work through your emotions. But what I think is really key here is that some of the lessons that are taught through the hashtag I'm remarkable initiative could be so powerful for this individual and so powerful for those of you who are listening, who feel like they have very high standards for themselves who feel like their business has really been negatively impacted by what's happening right now. So and I mentioned And this previously in sort of answering the previous question that I had. And the reason why I wanted to do these two together is that in my perspective, practising self promotion is not just about outwardly sharing what makes you amazing, or outwardly sharing some of the things that you're really excited about. It's also about taking the time to reflect intentionally, I see practising gratitude and taking stock of my wins as being so important. So if you don't want to be as hard on yourself, if you do want to get some amazing, happy feelings, because really recognising that our emotions and feelings are states, right, they're not a constant. So you really can get that by sort of practising gratitude and taking stock of your wins. And so if you're writing it down, when you do get that feeling right, of, of shame, of embarrassment, of anger, of not feeling happy with yourself, or happy with your business, you can glance at that list of wins, right? If you've written it down, or if you typed it out, and you will immediately get that, that feeling of hey, maybe I'm being a bit too hard on myself, right? Maybe I have achieved a lot. And hey, look, I have achieved a lot. See, these are all the things I've done. And I can do this, again, whether or not it's in that same context. So I've mentioned this before, but just to reiterate, most of my self promotion practices are not in public, right. So things that I do with my clients, there are a lot of fun, every single week, my clients and I share a weekly wins. I also do this with a coach that I've had the opportunity and privilege to work with as well, as mentioned just this before, as well. But weekly, I write out what I'm grateful for and wins directly related to my business. Because there was definitely a time when I felt like things weren't moving fast enough. And I felt really upset at myself, but writing it down every single day shows me that I'm making progress. Monthly, I also check in to see what are some of my favourite memories, and I write them down so I can look back at them. And when I do, I'm instantly in a better mood, right? So there's so many different ways that you can really do this, you can do this weekly, you could do this daily, you can do this monthly, and you can go back over it when you're feeling a certain way. Or even go back over it if you're looking to do something external to remind yourself of what you've done. Because so many of us are doing so many things and moving so quickly, that we aren't even taking the time to register how much we're doing, and how much we're able to do within such a short period of time. All right. So there's a lot of really great research out there around the importance of practising gratitude. And to me self promotion is closely related to gratitude. But another thing also to keep in mind about this, if there are some real issues around your business model or some real issues around how you've set up your work, or you're engaging with others do not use positivity, or gratitude to bypass them. Okay? If there are some things that need to be investigated, take the time to explore them and investigate them, okay, and explore them. Don't just let it fester and get worse. All right. One way to potentially look about you know, look at this is sort of calling it like bypassing or there's, you know, I have a blog post or a guide about this, I will make sure I link that also in the show notes. It's called toxic positivity. So just constantly trying to reframe, but it's like reframing, but there really is a situation here there's really something that you need to work through. So make sure that it's not one of those situations that you're not just trying to use positivity or gratitude to bypass a real situation or issue in your personal or your professional life. Alright, so that's all I have for you today. Once again, I'd love to invite you to join my next open hashtag I'm remarkable workshop. It's one of my favourite things to do. I host them at no cost other than of course, my time. And these are things I also do for people's groups, communities and teens as well. I host at least one a month. So if you're interested in learning more, you can feel free to click the link in the show notes. But if you want me to share my perspective on a question that you have, please get in touch and use the link in the description. I will be sharing at least two to three questions and my thoughts and perspectives on them every single month. So thank you once again for taking the time to join me and I hope that you stay safe and sane.