Ep 51 // Confidence in the Bedroom Leads to Confidence in the Boardroom with Jingjin

NOTE: Please excuse any errors in this transcript; it was created using an AI tool. Akua Nyame-Mensah 0:07 Welcome to the open door podcast. My name is Akua Nyame-Mensah. I also respond to Aqua and I'm a certified executive and leadership coach recognised facilitator and former sort of leader that loves supporting reluctant buyer fighting and overwhelmed leaders. I've worked with them to help them clarify where they should focus their time and energy each and every day so that they can love themselves, love their work, and ultimately love their life. If you're looking to learn leadership information and hear different perspectives, you are in the right place. My aim in this podcast is to help you see that one of the most productive and profitable things you can do is deeply understand yourself. Understand how you show up, understand how you thrive, and allow yourself to align everything in your work in your life, and in your business to support that think of this podcast as your weekly opportunity to receive leadership support. And remember, there is no one right way to lead yourself or others. Thank you so much for taking the time to join me today. Let's get started. Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of the open door conversations podcast. I am so excited about this week's episode. And I think that it is mandatory listening for any and every one. That's simply because the world that we live in is not just one gender or two genders, right? In order to create a better world, everyone needs to be aware of the problems and different challenges that different groups face. And so today, I am talking to an amazing businesswoman and activist who believes that confidence in the bedroom leads to confidence and the boardroom. And I will say the recording is not necessarily the best quality, but it is a worth while Listen, we talk about her amazing Chinese background and how she ended up in a male dominated industry in Germany. We also talk about the importance of breaking taboos in the workplace, and how an organisation that she has built focuses on supporting not just women, all right, but also children to build their confidence and their competence. So as always, thank you so much for taking the time to listen, and I hope you enjoy this week's episode. Hello, and welcome to this week's open door conversations podcast. I am so excited by today's guest because today I am joined by Jing Jen and we're going to be talking about how competence and the bedroom leads to confidence in the boardroom. Jing Jen, welcome to the show Speaker 1 2:59 us such a warming. Heartwarming welcome. Thank you so much for having me. Akua Nyame-Mensah 3:04 So for folks who are meeting you for the first time, could you please share a bit about who you are and what you do? Speaker 1 3:11 All right. So my name is changing, I survived. But instead, I am the founder and CEO of sahzu. We are a company educational platform that helps women to navigate through more than women's challenges. We talk about topics, workshops that others shy away from so female health, intimacy, and building confidence. And yeah, we run the corporate workshop, because different organisations to help organisations to better understand more than women's challenge. At the same time, we help women to raise their voice and build confidence in their confidence. Oh, I Akua Nyame-Mensah 3:48 love that. And I am so excited to talk about all things related to confidence and related to technology. But before we talk about what you're doing now, can you share a little bit more about your background and how you actually ended up within this industry? Speaker 1 4:07 My background is a very easy industry where I am is you can call them as tech or fintech. So your health education company in your house. And usually people have a slightly background in that which I don't at all i My background is actually automotive engineering. So I am originally from China. I grew up in Beijing, and I went to Germany when I was 16 reason behind is that when I I didn't know how to be a girl, I am compared to Chinese origin. I have very dark skin. I am very extroverted. And I don't I was not good at school. So academic was not my strengths. So now imagine in the APC, China I was from Beijing. So right for the capital. You have a dark skinned girl extroverted who like to, you know, to See a lot of about her opinion question what teacher says, and not good in school? This is like the kids in school where parents, okay, this the background you don't play with. So ultimately, ultimately, I never managed to build up my confidence as a girl as a young woman. So when I was a rough 1415, I had really short hair, I played with boys, because I simply don't know how to behave like a girl, that I recognise that I won't thrive with my personality in China. So I went to Germany alone. And I because I pick the country where individualism is more celebrated. And you do have to adapt the best somehow. Yeah, so then I started my engineering study there and was pursued my corporate career in automotive. Be was the triple what do you call that today? The triple only, so the only Asian only woman and the youngest market director made a billion dollar company and started my site business, which has become a million dollar business later on on the site for 10 years, also for helping rural area farmers to get made in Germany quality for their tractors, so to increase. Yeah, well, so then this is a little bit about that background. And the reason that I entered this industry in 2019, I exited my two our company, startup or I was in business. At that time, for 10 years, we got actually acquired, and then it was okay, what's next other soul searching to go back corporate or what's what's what's next step? So why can 2020 Then I take a look at social training and recognise that it has always been my passion and calling during my corporate life and intrapreneurial journey that I want to help women strive to be limitless to over overcome certain self limiting beliefs that society has imposed on us is valid. I mean, I grew up in China. But then my next 50 years in my life I spent in West culture and just recognise it's different is not much better. We still talk talk about what's your read Princess, you know, the fairy tales, young girls are saying, and then we're waiting for the Prince to rescue you. I mean, in 2000, there was 2010 or something. So I feel that ultimately, this suit the narrative in the society around what is a good girl, what is a good woman, it's always about good for somebody else. It's never about good for us. If you're good girl, good wife, good friend, good mom, is never about good yourself. So in this way, she grew up with this narrative, the wonder woman, don't stand up in the corporate world say I want to have more to tell young girls don't brag, be humble, of course, they will ask for the salary increase. What if they had any major achievements, they would never stand up and saying and brag that say about their success. So I felt that there wasn't even was the old whole movement of female empowerment leaning in thin out, I don't feel that there is something fundamental in our society that helps women to build confidence from wisdom. So then I was okay, but I didn't want to start a career coaching, or I don't, I didn't believe in the concept. So then I had first conversation, I was friends, with my mentor with my peers, with various different women, and men, and just to recognise the beauty and confidence from within it, actually one of the essential elements is your sexuality. So that because sexuality informs our identity, and when we are secure our identity, that youth confidence, and confidence is again that will empower women to go out and do more to ask for more, be limitless. And you can see that very clearly is especially in the LGBTQ, especially the ones that who have outed themselves, they are extremely confident. And the reason behind is because they are very clear in who they are, who are friends, and who are their faults. So this idea of really thought I somehow 2020s Two years ago, I found this is like my, my North Star in a way and of course there's business behind as well because we all know sex sells, so those who started them very differently than where we are today. We started like a as a triggered visor for female sexual wellbeing in ASEAN so in this region, Southeast Asia. Yeah. And then of course, all startups pivot and pivot pivot pivot, adapt our offerings and now we have become educational platform. To target extra corporate organisation and extend our sexual well being perspective or to female health, taboo topics, since that matters daily live, Akua Nyame-Mensah 10:12 I love that. Thank you so much for sharing all of that. And I think that this is actually a really great segue for us to talk about some of the things that many people, both women and men consider taboo. How do you even start this conversation around having confidence in the bedroom and sexuality? And where should leaders begin? Speaker 1 10:33 To be very honest, Tyson says remains it well V. A private topic is nothing that we go to the corporate sector and share our sex life. That's not the idea behind it is rather I wanted to find an angle that allow women to reflect from to look at themselves from within or even from outside, let's zoom out and see who we are, and competence. I mean, we all know that women are, I rarely know women in their professional life, in regardless of which industry, that they are incompetent, nonetheless, that women, minority of women, I mean, we talk about really from the junior brand managers, to the CEO and CEO of fortune 500, that they doubt about their decisions, they doubt about their narrative, this doubt and confidence is always there for women. So I want to find a different angle and saying and to understand we interviewed many, many women, I see the new world where 1600 numbers region from different professions to understand what do the what stands between you and the next step or something that you really want to have? Is that for example, your to your brand manager to the next step, what is missing? Or if you are a artists want to be an art director in an agency, what is missing? Why don't you just ask for it, besides the fact that you know that we are, we are human that we are afraid of rejections. But the ultimate, you ask the five why's deep inside of a woman's heart is that they don't feel entitled, they don't feel that they deserve that role. I just had this conversation with with a very, I mean, we started together we did our MBA together. And she is she just was appointed to the role is actually director of marketing the role, but because of the all in the organisation restructuring, they kept a marketing him leader, but the role is the director of marketing. And he she struggled a lot she asked a lot of friends around them. I don't feel that comfortable. I'm really thrilled that they offered a role. But I think it's actually director of marketing, but I don't want to raise the issue because I mean, they finally give me their role I aspire for so long, no man would even have that salt. In the moment where are your give me the responsibility of the of the director of marketing to first name it. Secondly, you give me the salary that's that is adequate for her role. Where else woman, I mean, she's very confident women really knew what she was doing. She even doubt they negotiated a bit of a salary, but the role just to have the proper title, she said, But I already have that role. Everyone in the company knows incidents like this we encounter in our space where we work quite a lot. And women just don't feel entitled to what they desire. So we said okay, how can we find a narrative that is that challenge the status quo and make women feel more comfortable, and we came up with give who is the closest person usually, this is I mean, majority of the time, the person we ask for a salary, increase a board seat, or ask for better title are still men majority of the time. So it's about how to get comfortable about asking a strange man for things that and then how to feel entitled to it. So let's start with the man that you feel the most comfortable with, which is your husband, your boyfriend and your partner in that case. So what is the most awkward thing that you want to ask him? Usually, where do you feel the most income uncomfortable? This is again, in the federal, I think, especially Asia, where we sub sex really taboo compared to other regions in the world asking just like a man. Okay, go down. I mean, I mean, at least English, it sounds. It sounds okay. It could be in the stand up comedy as well. Now, imagine this in Bahasa in Chinese in Malay, different languages. Oh, it's so embarrassing. I can barely even say the words out there. But get comfortable with that. Because if you can't ask him for pleasure or for what you want, or what you want or deserve in the federal DPP inside, how do you feel empowered, we're entitled to ask a strange man, a man that has not straight man but a man that has no relationship with you Chip, for more salary to foresee, you can pull they say in the meanwhile, if they don't give you the board seat to pour chair, you can put as many chairs as one people won't see through that you are not entitled and you don't feel that you deserve that there is no fundamental solid science behind them. But this is a narrative that may be called sing and challenge this call, and this will be watched, which Akua Nyame-Mensah 15:25 I absolutely love it. Thank you so much for walking us through that. And I think that, you know, there are so many parallels with how you show up in your personal life and how that translates to your professional life. And so I love the idea of, you know, really reflecting on where you're uncomfortable in your personal life. And once again, how you can translate that how you can also leverage that in your professional life. And I also just love that that tagline that catchphrase that you have how confidence in the bedroom leads to confidence in the boardroom. And I think it's always very interesting when people bring up you know, whether or not there is, you know, data or scientific backing to these sorts of things simply because the way to go about gathering this data would be through asking questions once again, right. So people would have to feel comfortable sharing this information anyway. Speaker 1 16:18 Exactly. And no one wants to tell men or women or to tell I'm not confident, this is also something that you know, your data, the data you collect will be very biassed. Because the one who you actually want to get the data with, we're not confident in eventual they will participate in the poll, then you will have very skewed data and at the end, or you only have the very liberated answer the questions. Yeah, Akua Nyame-Mensah 16:45 exactly. Exactly. And I just absolutely love that. So tell us, you know, a little bit more about the importance of breaking taboos. What are some of the other areas in which you support women with your educational work? Speaker 1 17:01 Yep. So we work in the in terms of education we work with. So two segments, one segment is beyond our corporate offering from the corporate world to help women building confidence in their competence in terms of taboo topics, such as sexual wellbeing, sex, we try to work with schools, local schools, International School, obviously are more open minded, and also women that are in the rural area in this region, we are, you know, for them is say no to domestic violence. When do you want to use stand up and leave your husbands? When do you know, it's better to leave than to stay? Because for them, this mistake is very different. Leave the man who's actually feeding the family, they might end up with nothing. But you shouldn't suffer the also domestic violence, when do you say no, and how to educate your husband and so on. So this two segment we are very vocal about I would say, especially then, in sexual education for the youngsters, is I think this is one of our biggest mission is to help parents and school educators to get comfortable to talk about boys and girls. And the challenge here is that because it's taboo, like you rightfully said, What should we break a taboo, taboo, is definitions at the end is that we do talk about it, let's just pretend it doesn't happen. Every human being comes from sex. And just because we don't, we don't talk about it does not exist, we somehow, you know, pretend that it's not happening, which leads to the fact that young women, young kids, they have no legitimate source, in the internet or elsewhere to find, okay, how do I even start, because they will get serious, curious about their body, they will get curious about their sexuality. I mean, even kids of 910 12 years old, are starting to ask questions. And then we as parents and educators who want to be their source, in fact, otherwise they will guess sources from perform from a web page that has the highest has the best SEO ranking or who does the best sem in Google. And this is detrimental because then the society you are there is no legitimate resources that behind. And we always have this misconception, as parents here in this region, specifically, that if you talk too early about seconds here, they're going to start to it and the results done the truth there is in fact, the data is exactly opposite. The more you are informed about a topic, the more open you start to talk about this topic, let it be society or let it be parents empowers is delays, actually, the time when they actually start to expose themselves because nothing forbidden. It's out there. So you openly talk about it and wouldn't be so curious. firstly, and secondly, when you encounter you are able to say no, or say yes, more confidence and more conceptually, as well. Akua Nyame-Mensah 20:11 Amazing. And I really love how your organisation right is not just focused on, you know, that upper end, it's not just adults, right that need access to the information, but trying to start earlier will lead to better results right into the future. Absolutely love it. Anything else? Sorry. Tough though. Sorry. Please go ahead. Speaker 1 20:31 Yeah, very tough. So schools because I mean, I mean, it's, it's any business that breaking taboo in your house and sexuality, just look at mental well being, my dad has serious depression when I was 14 years old, it's really something that your own people are saying okay are crazy is it is himmat understanding, the level of understanding is zero, we are sitting depression has become a little bit you are not burned out is even uncle took us out. So a taboo that is established 1000s of years ago competing society, it will take more than just a sausage break it, but it's a salt. Yeah. Akua Nyame-Mensah 21:19 So to that point, and actually, I agree with you on this point about burnout, and how you know, for the lack of a better word, and please, you know, if you're listening to this, this conversation is quite nuanced. But I do think there's an element of if you're not burnt out, and like, What are you even doing? How do you not not that we necessarily want to get, you know, women's health or sexuality to that point. But what do you say to those who feel like, you know, what's the point like, this is too hard, you know, it's going to take forever, for people to come around? What do you remind yourself to, to keep motivated and to keep moving forward with supporting different groups with this information in these resources, Speaker 1 21:56 I think what helps the most is the customer feedback, we have to say, it's really, every time we have limited reach, because this is also a topic that social media does not necessarily support. And but every time when we run a workshop, or we help a client, we'll do a one on one coaching the feedback at the office, it's really like eye opening experience clients coming to us. And after the session, most of them especially corporate context, because it's a workshop that's paid by the employer. So the employee they join, to a 30 Extend is because my employer asked me to do it. And then combined with curiosity, and we end up we always take longer than expected, they asked at the end so many more questions, because they recognise Oh, it's not only me, or, Oh, my God, I haven't had an orgasm in my whole life yet, since just like that. And and not only one, it's everybody else, we just don't talk about it. That's why nobody knows about it. And to understand certain why certain things are taboo, or why things are not that intuitive to to women. And these are things that you usually don't have access to XYZ example is like, is, in terms of masturbation is something let's call that self love masturbation, it's kind of an ugly word, the fact that why women will have the perception that women masturbate less than men, the reasonably high is actually because men simply know how, because sex is an act, what we understand that the society is penetrative sex. So when men masturbate, or self pleasure, versus when they have a penetrative sex with a partner, that egg is very similar. Whereas women who know understand the concept of maturation is around New York tourists is amount outside of the bow bar, which is very different than the traditional concept of sassy titration. So that's why we have the conception that women masturbate as a woman to know how to illustrate, because it's very significant from traditional sex, but we actually understand things just like that nobody will ever question or Google or think about this kind of topics, and until someone presented in front of you, Akua Nyame-Mensah 24:10 I love that. And thank you, you know, for breaking down that because once again, I think this connects to something you were talking about a little bit earlier around how a lot of times women and those of us who identify as women are always looking for this external, or something else. Yeah, it's defined externally of us. Right. So as you've mentioned, what you know, masturbation could look like for us what, you know, pleasure could look like for us is defined externally, in this case, as well, right? Because it's defined as a certain act that's different from what actually might give us pleasure. So I love to know so this is a bit of a segue. I'd love to know Who who are you outside of your work, because you've achieved so much. And I think it's absolutely amazing what you are currently building but who are you outside of outside of this work? Speaker 1 24:59 So I am also have those words really interesting to me. Well, it is what defines me so much. I'm so passionate you can hear my tone, so passionate about this topic, but indeed ours I have a life outside of work. Also the work I will say I am, I have difficult to say that out loud. I am a mom of a four year old little boy, and I am a wife, I am a soon to be second timer as well. Thank you. And I am this is the family context. And I am a big advocate about female entrepreneurship. So I do because I exited my first company, which in 2019, it allowed me to invest in different things. And I always believed in intrapreneurship. And instead of working for corporates, and especially female driven startups, I'm very passionate that is not does not necessarily need to be femtech Anything most women are driven by a mission by a problem that they encounter they want to solve versus it's it sounds like I hate men, but I really don't wear male founders, often they start a business, the reason behind the scale to become a multi billion dollar company to become a unicorn. I think men and women start business for very different reasons. Therefore I'm very biassed and female driven companies or have their mission. That'd be diversity inclusion, that would be one of the SDG goals. So I invest actively in female driven companies. At the same time I help in business school INSEAD, where I studied and the US here in Singapore, the enter that social enterprise sector to help students can empower them to leave the cocoon that after university graduation, they don't just, you know, start a comfortable career in consulting or anywhere else, but really get a problem solve a problem that they are passionate about and build a business and make the world a better place. This is why and then outside of those as well. Yeah, otherwise a contrarian, always challenge the status quo. Genuinely a question everything three, four times. Akua Nyame-Mensah 27:16 I love it. Thank you so much for sharing a little bit more about your background, even just that little bit. I've learned so much more about you. And I think it's amazing how you are, you know, touching so many different types of lives with your work. So this has been absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for for sharing your experience for sharing your knowledge. With my audience. I hope those of you listening have learned a thing or two. Where can people find out more about you online? Speaker 1 27:46 Thank you so much for having me. I'm really grateful. I love the title of this podcast is it already says everything already. And I was just checking. I think you're at the 46th session of your but I was checking several of them is amazing, the work you're doing here overcompensation absolutely love it. And the best way to reach outs in LinkedIn is changing the oh, there is one of the few and our about as a zoo, we are rebuilding our web page currently. So it's going to be launching in just one or two weeks. It says as John VIP, this is our platform where we have the corporate workshop offering and we offer wash worldwide. So zoom physically, I just read a workshop through Tinto in Perth. So it's one physically and virtually workshop across the board, or check our offering sales and reach out. Akua Nyame-Mensah 28:42 Perfect. Thank you so much for joining me today. And those listening please make sure that you do follow her on LinkedIn. I think that she shares some amazing content, which may shift your perspective on many, many things. Thank you again for joining me. And yeah, just thank you so much. Unknown Speaker 28:58 Thank you. Akua Nyame-Mensah 29:00 Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to today's episode. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please share it with your friends. We can continue this conversation on social media the links to my socials so that is LinkedIn, Instagram and Twitter. You can find them in the show notes. If you tagged me in a story and include the hashtag hashtag ask Akua I will share a special little gift with you. Thank you so much once again for your time and I cannot wait to share my next episode where to stay safe and sane.