Ep 75 // Reboot Your Operating System

NOTE: Please excuse any errors in this transcript; it was created using an AI tool. Akua Nyame-Mensah 00:00 Do you have to have the right personality to be a leader to be successful to be promoted? I think this is the wrong question to ask. Instead of asking whether or not we have the right personality, and I'm saying this in quotes, but you can't see me. What we should be asking ourselves is, are we getting the results that we want? And if not, what are we ready to do? What are we ready to shift or change in order to achieve those results? And from my perspective, it starts with cultivating your self awareness. Hello, and welcome to the open door conversations podcast. My name is a Korea yami Mensa I also respond to Aqua and Akua. I'm a certified executive and leadership coach recognised learning and organisational development facilitator, speaker and former startup executive. And I am so excited because this year I'm celebrating five years of working for myself five years of supporting leaders. And I am so grateful because I've had the opportunity to partner with amazing organisations, from hydro startups to multinational brands all around the world. In 2022. Alone, I serve over 600 Yes, over 600 leaders around the world. And in this podcast, you will have the opportunity to learn my three step leadership framework. I actually break it down in Episode 71. I use this framework with my high achieving and entrepreneurial minded clients that are juggling a million responsibilities so they can easily build wealth. This three step framework is going to teach you how to leverage your innate personality to learn how to prioritise and maximise not just your time, but also your money. You don't have to work harder or turn into someone else. To get more gotten. Let's tune into this week's episode. Hello, and welcome back to this week's podcast episode. Last week, we spoke about what you should do to continue to reflect and what you can do with that time that you set aside to reflect we talked about three different dimensions, three different elements that leaders don't always create time to focus on. And so this week, we wanted to continue to dive deeper into self awareness and specifically dive a little bit deeper into the concept of personality, why we already spend way too much time working. So in addition to being able to use our awareness to delegate, right to reduce the amount of work that we do, why not use what we know about ourselves to really lean into our abilities, so that if we do decide to work, we can work as efficiently and effectively as we can. So let's get into this week's podcast episode, I wanted to start off with a definition. And so I got this definition from online. It's from the American Psychological Association. And I think it's so important to start with definitions and really start to break down some of these terms that we use day to day. And the definition, of course I got was on the word personality. And so what I found online, and I think it's a pretty good definition is that personality refers to the enduring characteristics and behaviour that compromise a person's unique adjustment to life. I love that unique adjustment to life, including major traits, interests, drives, values, self concept abilities, and emotional patterns. I really think this is such an important definition for US leaders to really consider and to recognise that personality is incredibly unique. Another key thing, I didn't find it in this definition, but I do want to include because based on my research, this is something that's crucial to keep in mind about personalities is that these patterns, aka our personality, change over time. Okay. And one of the things I'd also love to add to this is that your personality is not meant to be a box. And a lot of times the way I see the term personality, and I will talk a little bit about how Of course you can continue to build your awareness or cultivate your awareness around your personality, and it's something I've spoken about a lot. But before I get there, I think it's just really important to land on this that your personality is not meant to be a box. It's something that evolves. And it's a generalised way of talking about how you tend to show up. Another thing here that I also just wanted to make sure I shared in relation of personality is that how you perceive yourself can be very different to how you come across to others. And in some later episodes, we'll talk a little bit more about perception, influence and power and those elements and how they relate to showing up as a leader and how conscious leaders also consider that. But it first starts with them really getting clear on and being comfortable with the fact that they evolve. And this concept that we talk about personality evolves, as well. And just once again, using this term, this concept of personality can be very powerful, because it can help you navigate the world, and also help others quickly understand what you need to succeed. And so that's really the lens, the frame that I want everyone to use, as I talk through this dimension, right of personality, as I talk through cultivating your self awareness to better understand yourself, we're not keeping track of this information to make ourselves feel bad, right. And the reality is that we have to teach others and also remind ourselves about how we tend to show up if you don't like the word personality, because like I said, I think for a lot of us, this idea of personality is something that can't change or evolve, I actually like to refer to it as your OS, or your operating system, and really just recommend that maybe you think about it from that perspective, because your operating system can be rebooted, right? It can be exchanged, it can be updated, it seems just a little bit more agile than talking about it from the perspective or using the term personality. So if you prefer OS or operating system, go with it. But ultimately, you are not the same person, you were yesterday, a week ago, a year ago. And that's a good thing, right? We constantly evolve. And I think that conscious leaders recognise they realise that they're constantly evolving, and they need to create systems approaches to be able to capture that, right. And also do that for the people who are working with them, working for them, buying from them, right, all the different stakeholders that they have within their personal and their professional lives. So that's really what we're going to talk about today, personality or operating system, okay. And a key component of it right, once again, is recognising that you can evolve, it can be upgraded. And you can also try new things. So if you're at a point in your career, or within your business where you feel like you're plateauing, you're not getting things done, people aren't listening to you, you don't feel like you're focused on the right things, what we're talking about today might be very helpful for you, and also might be very helpful for you to share with others. So I always talk about this, but I think it's important to bring this into this conversation again. But there are three basic ways in which you can build your awareness. The first and this is what I'm sure all of you are doing if you're listening to my content is reflection, right. And we talked about the dimension of diversity inclusion in the last episode. So through reflection, right, you can learn more about yourself. Another way that you can continue to build your awareness about how you're showing up how people perceive you is through feedback. So this is other people sharing with you what they see, and other people talking through, you know, how you're showing up what they see, from their perspective, the last way that you can cultivate your awareness. And this is typically a way that I think you can accelerate your awareness. And you can also get a lot of really good vocabulary, if this is something difficult for you is through assessments. And I'll also link some episodes that I might have or lives that I've done or podcasts that I have around some of these elements, because I have a lot of content around cultivating self awareness because I believe it's such an important piece of being a conscious leader of being a successful leader is really just recognising that this is something that you have to do all the time. Okay. But what I'm gonna be doing differently in this episode is really diving a little bit deeper into some of the key questions I recommend you reflect on. And I recommend that you share with others. These are things that I do with my clients, and we don't always create time to reflect on them until it's too late. Right. So as I mentioned earlier on, we're not doing this to make ourselves feel bad. We're doing this because we have to operate within a world we can't work within a vacuum. We can't build our businesses and careers by ourselves. We need help. We need support and understanding your operating system and being able to talk about your personality with others is going to allow you to do that really easily. Shouldn't lean effectively. And so the tool that I use to do this with my clients primarily is what I call their SOP or their standard operating procedures, see where I'm going here, I'm talking about Oh s, I'm talking about SOPs, I'm having way too much fun, actually putting together this podcast episode. But I really love to think about it from this perspective of SOPs, or standard operating procedures, because we have to give others instructions on how best to use us. And also we sometimes do to remind ourselves of how best to use ourselves, and what's important to ourselves, especially if, once again, we are so busy dancing, we're on that dance floor, or we're so busy within that hamster wheel, that we can't see those things around us having these documents and having these resources and having these questions can help us get out of doing to make sure that we are focused also on reflection to think about what's next. Okay. And so these SOPs, the standard operating procedures can be updated at any point in time. And the reason why we flush these out, is because they can help to manage conflict and challenges. But I also think it's important to know what our boundaries are as well, and where we might need some support for growth. And that's what the standard operating procedures are about really helping you with that as well. So I'm going to go through some of the key questions. I think that conscious leadership, keep in mind, as I mentioned before, this is a tool that I use with my clients, I'm not going to go through all of it, you can Google to find some of these if you want as well. But I think that the first question or the first thing that any one, you know, any leader should reflect on is around how they communicate. And later on, I will be doing a deeper dive into communication. But just to start us off, I think that it's really important that you reflect on what your communication style is how you perceive your communication style, which can be different from somebody else. But start with yourself and what you think about yourself, and then, you know, solicit that feedback and see if it matches, but you know, how have other people described your communication style? What feedback have you gotten in the past? How should others interpret what you say? And are there any aspects of how you communicate that you're working on? So all of these elements really go into right? Understanding how you tend to operate when it comes to communicating? And that's a key key piece of being able to show up as a leader and connect with others? Because that's going to come through communicating? The second element that I think you should reflect on? Is your decision making style? How do you tend to make decisions? What do you typically keep in mind? When do you seek feedback as it relates to making decisions, any thoughts on how you think others perceive your approach to making decisions can also be written down or reflected on as well. And this one for me, I think is incredibly key, especially within cultures, organisations that have cultures that say they're very logic or data driven, or information driven. Because none of us are logical beings, we are all emotional, we all make emotional decisions. And what we tend to do, right is make a decision and then find the data and information to back it up. So I always think that that's a very important one for us to reflect on. And to keep in mind, because your version of logic is going to be very different from another person's version of logic, but it's important to know, what are the different data points that you tend to draw on? And when do you seek feedback? When do you go external of yourself? And what are those elements look like? Okay, I think all conscious leaders are somewhat aware of what they tend to do. And you can also ask yourself, what do you tend to do when you're in a pinch? When things are stressful? Do you make decisions in a different way? Does it come across differently? Okay. Another thing I recommend that you reflect on, as it relates to your operating approach, or your personality is what gains and loses your trust. So this is going to be key when you think about how you relate to and engage with your employees, your colleagues, your supervisors, right, the powers that be, but really reflect on what are the things that you value, right? How do you build trust with someone, right? What triggers you? Okay? These are all going to be key things once again, to really help you think about how you navigate the workplace, how you show up, and what could potentially right get in the way of you been able to get to that next level, engage with certain types of people and get things done. These last two I also think are incredibly important. Okay, so these last two are things that we don't always create the space for, but are really important as it relates to our motivation, really important when it comes to thinking about whether or not we end up burnt out even right. So this is really about that motivation, that engagement piece. And so this next question that you should ask yourself and reflect on is, how do you want to be recognised? How do you want to be acknowledged? How do you want to be rewarded, this is so important for you to spend time and energy on I'm sure I have a whole podcast episode, or at least a blog post about it, I'll make sure I link it in the show notes. But this is a key thing that conscious leaders that successful leaders that strategic leaders are aware of, because they need to make sure that this is something that's communicated to the right people, right. And they're aware of it themselves, so that when they feel down, they feel demotivated, they don't feel as connected to what they're doing. They can remember right, or be remembered that these are elements that might be missing. Okay, this last one, I think, is also very important as well. And it's really about asking yourself in terms of how you tend to operate in terms of your personality, and how you tend to show up, how do you give and receive feedback? What is your philosophy around feedback? You know, what can people expect and receiving feedback from you? How do you prefer to receive feedback or give feedback, those are all key things to really keep in mind. And if you know anything, right about that three step process I talk about in relation to leadership, right. So in this episode, we've been talking a lot about cultivating self awareness, which is key, because by cultivating your self awareness, you can better engage with others, and set expectations that can be met or at least exceeded, right. But if you're not aware of how you tend to come across how you tend to make decisions, and you don't take the time to learn about others, it's really hard to engage, and you're not going to set expectations that others can exceed. Okay, I hope you see how that plays out here. And throughout this year, as I talk through some of these topics, and I do these deeper dives, hopefully, you'll really start to see how this three step process how the see better method really comes alive. It's super simple, but it's really key that you start with that cultivating self awareness piece, and you create that space, right to really be that conscious leader, right? And we do this because these are things that tend to cause conflict in the workplace, right? Knowing how you communicate, understanding how you tend to make decisions, right? Knowing what you value, right? How you lose trust, how you build trust, how you want to be acknowledged, recognised how you give and receive feedback, these are things that can cause conflict in the workplace. And doing the work to know this stuff about yourself first, makes it so much easier for you to connect with others, right? And give others the opportunity to share this information for themselves as well. Right. So knowing and being able to share these responses will allow you to reduce your stress, right, and the chances that you'll be triggered. Because this is stuff that you're aware of, you know, it's important, so you'll communicate it with others, right. So I once again didn't share everything that I have in this SOP document. But I think starting with these points, is incredibly key. And actually, because I mentioned the word conflict, this is actually not something in my SOP, but I think this is something I'm going to add. But I also think that as a conscious leader, you should create space and time to reflect on conflicts. Okay, so I said the word conflict, what comes up for you? And I'm giggling a little here? Because it's kind of funny to me. But what comes up for you? Are you someone that avoids conflict? Do you tend to find yourself involved in a lot of conflict? Do you tend to address issues head on? Or have people told you that you come across as being more passive? I think these are questions. No, I don't think I know these are questions that you should also ask yourself, and that you should add to your SOP about your OS write about your personality, I think some additional things that you can also reflect on is what are ways that you have successfully dealt with conflict in the past, right? What are times where it worked out? Really well reflect on that? And also reflect on journal and write down? What are situations you wish could have turned out better? Right? What did you learn from those situations that maybe didn't go as well as you wanted that you can use moving forward? Right? That's what conscious leaders also do. They learn from their past engagements, and they cultivate their awareness around what can they do differently moving forward. Okay, this is what I do with my clients all the time as a coach, right? Because coaching is about being future oriented, right? Thinking about what you can do better next time, right? We only dip into the past to learn In the lesson so we can do things differently moving forward. And that's really what conscious leaders do. And my hope is that this entire episode is helping you reflect on how you can use this information, this data moving forward to be even more effective to be even more strategic. Okay, so I hope this has been a really thought provoking episode for you. And you've given yourself a bit of space to think about your personality or your operating system. If there's any element you want me to dive a little bit deeper into, feel free to reach out. And let me know, we will definitely talk a little bit more about how to use this information to engage with others as we move forward with our podcast episodes. But we still have a few episodes left around, cultivating our awareness. So be on the lookout for some additional episodes where I'll probably dive a little bit deeper into how we use our time. So time awareness, I also want to put together an episode around influence and power, and also communication, which is something that I mentioned earlier. I think that's also a really great place to spend some time to reflect on and I think all conscious leaders are aware of how they communicate as well. So as always, thank you so much for taking the time to listen, and enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode, please share this episode with someone who can benefit from its contents. If you found this episode helpful, I want to ask you to leave a review. This makes it easier for other people to find my podcast and also allows me to bring on even bigger guests, and even more fascinating stories. Thank you so much for listening again. Stay safe and stay sane