Not Everyone Wants to Be “Resilient”

How your definition of resilience is quietly shaping how you lead

“I don’t want to be known as resilient.”

That’s how I opened our March #PeopleBeforeStrategy Roundtable.

Because resilience, as with any word we use, isn’t neutral. It carries weight, expectation, and sometimes pressure. As our conversation unfolded, I reminded everyone that the Roundtable was not a space to simply agree with each other but a space to share our perspectives and that there was an opportunity for each of us to (re)define what resilience means to us.

Resilience Isn’t a Neutral Word

When leaders talk about resilience, we often assume we mean the same thing.

In our conversation, several perspectives emerged. Our guest experts shared:

• Yolanda M. Owens, similar to me, had a perspective that leaned more negative: “Resilience… is continuously carrying a heavy load.”

• Dr. Marshaun R. Hymon, SHRM-SCP, felt like being resilient was one of his favorite traits about himself: “The thing that I love most about me is the ability to learn from a not so positive outcome.”

Finally, another leader shared: “Resilience develops when you have no choice but to persevere.”

It was the same word, but each of us had different experiences with it.

I believe this matters because the way you define resilience shapes how you lead.

It influences:

• What you tolerate

• What you normalize

• And what you expect from others

In many organizations today, resilience has quietly become synonymous with:

• Pushing through

• Staying quiet

• Carrying more

This ‘newer definition’ wouldn’t drive sustained performance but burnout, compliance, and disengagement.

How Your Definition of Resilience Shapes How You Lead

As I was reflecting on this, I felt it might be helpful for leaders to think about how they define resilience.

Here’s a simple reframe:

Endurance-Based Resilience:

• “Push through no matter what.”

• High tolerance for dysfunction.

• Often leads to overwork and silence.

Adaptive/ Learning-Based Resilience:

• “Learn, adjust, and respond intentionally.”

• Creates space for reflection.

• Encourages better decisions over faster ones.

System-Aware Resilience:

• “Change the conditions, not just your response.”

• Questions what should be endured vs. redesigned.

• Focuses on sustainable performance.

None of these perspectives is inherently right or wrong, but could lead to quite different outcomes.

What Your Version of Resilience Is Teaching You to Be

Definitions don’t just influence behavior over time; they shape identity. One of the most important threads in the conversation wasn’t about capability; it was about identity. For some leaders, resilience is a source of pride, and for others, it’s a label they’ve been given, often shaped by expectations tied to background, experience, or environment.

If they are not intentional, that distinction could show up in how they lead.

Leaders who associate resilience with endurance might:

• Default to control and authority

• Push through challenges without questioning them.

• Expect the same from their teams.

Leaders who define resilience as adaptation might be more likely to:

• Lead through questions, not answers.

• Create space for others to contribute.

• Focus on enabling, not controlling.

Dr. Marshaun, shared his experience of working in a diverse workplace with different generations. He was managing people older than him, so his approach was, “…less about power and more about responsibilities.” As a result, “[he] lead(s) as a coach and as an enabler… not through authority.” This impacts the types of opportunities he chooses and the environment he wants to be in.

When Resilience Quietly Turns Into Compliance

When unexamined definitions of resilience scale across an organization, they don’t just affect leaders; they shape culture.

In environments where resilience is defined as “push through”:

• Leaders stay quiet to protect themselves.

• Teams avoid tension to maintain stability.

• Compliance starts to look like alignment.

On the surface, everything looks fine. Underneath, risk builds:

• Fewer challenges to bad decisions

• Less innovation

• Lower long-term performance

As Yolanda Owens put it: “Compliance sacrifices innovation.” And more importantly, she reminded us that “safety in a compliance-based organization is temporary.”

A Better Question Than “How Do I Push Through?”

If resilience means different things to different people, then effective leadership starts with clarity.

Before changing behaviors or expectations, it’s worth noticing how resilience is already operating in your leadership system. Here are a few small but telling places to start:

1. Audit your definition - Where have you quietly equated resilience with “just push through”? What might actually need to be questioned, redesigned, or renamed instead?

2. Shift one moment from endurance → intention - The next time something feels heavy, inefficient, or draining, pause and ask: Is this something to endure or something to change? That single question can interrupt autopilot leadership.

3. Interrupt compliance early - Notice where your team agrees quickly or avoids tension. Ask: “What are we not saying?” Alignment without challenge often looks like progress, until it isn’t.

4. Spot where survival mode is showing up - Yolanda described two patterns she’s seeing more frequently in today’s workplace:

• Quiet quitting: mentally checking out when work no longer meets key needs.

• Job hugging: holding on tightly out of fear, even when growth has stalled.

Neither is wrong. Both are signals.

As a leader, consider:

Where might my team be disengaging because they feel stuck?

Where might they be overholding because they feel unsafe to move?

And most importantly:

What in the system might be creating those conditions?

Small shifts like these don’t require a full transformation. But they do begin to change how resilience shows as silent endurance, and more as intentional leadership.

Resilience isn’t going anywhere, and I think for many leaders it is a valued trait.

However, the way we define it and the expectations we attach to it matter more than ever.

Resilience isn’t just about what you can withstand, but about what you choose to normalize.

So, the question is: What has your definition of resilience been asking you and your team to carry?

Join the next free monthly Roundtable designed for leaders who understand that businesses are people. Each session is a live, facilitated space where decision-makers, team leads, and people professionals connect, learn, and grow together. Register here.

Originally posted on 03/30/2026 on LinkedIn.